Our great and mighty leader. The one who keeps it all going. Year 1 Mickey Champion. Storrs born and raised. Definitely gets overslandered. Actually probably not. It's probably all valid TBH. (UCONN)
Our beloved. The cheesiest of cheeses. The milkiest of milks. The smellyiest of taints. This all would not have been possible if Jay did not switch into Charlie's room freshman year. Everyone's lives changed that day, we all just didn't know until now. Bro is balding though. Like bad. #Giants100. (Great Neck)
Tyler, AKA Todd, AKA Toad, AKA Tugg, aka Thooty. The man of many names. Could've gone pro in Fortnite in college. A true grange degeneration. Better at every videogame (but madden) than anyone. Just give this dude like 3 days to do something and he will master it. Also, just fucking LOVES deshaun watson. Like what the fuck bro. It's a bit of a sick and unhealthy obsession. Trade with Tyler at your own peril. Dude wants to eat the meat off your bones. (UCONN)
DP. Dude's been in the league for 7 years and has sent a total of like 6 messages. Sometimes, I wonder if he really even wants to be a part of this league. There's a lot of great things about Devin: his looks, his work ethic, his love for family. Those qualities open many doors for him, but it's the one he opens for himself that you have to worry about. I could keep complimenting him as that is just the TIP of how great of a dude he is. (UCONN)
Oh, Professor Spreadsheet (TM - Nick). Where would this league be without Matt? UCONN Transfer Student, Avid UCONN Basketball lover, and former UCONN Football Employee. Mr 33% is like the anti-Devin in that he has just about as much engagement as Charlie. One thing you know about Matt's fantasy season is even when it looks like it, it's not ovAR. And trust me, that happens a lot. (UCONN)
Stovey Bobby Johnson. One of the kindest and funniest cheeses in this league. Quite intelligent as well. Unfortunately, though dude is a Dolphins and Rockets fan. All he knows is pain. Stove's currently employed assisting those with special needs. Maybe that's why he gets along so well with all of us. (UCONN)
Doctor Rolly. Nicholas Bornstein. The anti-Todd. Bro is as good at Fortnite as Kav is at sleeping. Future Lawyer and lover of Veterans. Bro will definitely bail out and represent at least a few of the leaguemates once licensed. Thats the only reason why he's here TBH. Also, great at finding people roommates. Hit him up for all roommate needs. (Great Neck)
It's Bij. And I wish it wasn't. Although Bij is known to get underneath the nerves of most of the leaguemates, the league is grateful for his presence. Every good story needs a villain, and it just happens that bij gets to be that villain. Not like he wanted to, that's just how he is. (Great Neck)
Kap is ones of this leagues finest members, all around. A strong member of the Jewish community, in dental school (I think?) in Califorina, and engaged to be married? Bro's character is incredible. He honestly does not belong in a group of such degenerates. Maybe that's why bro can't win the league. (Great Neck)
The younger (and hairier) Korman sibling. Currently studying box-eating at the University of Wisconsin (Cheese Campus). Takes fat shits and definitely does not wipe enough. Needs multiple beers to unlock the grill. The only Frat member I genuinely enjoy being around. Had some #B1G shoes to fill taking over BIG TYCKETs team in 2024, but he's definitely up for the challenge. (Great Neck)
Ethan (2018): He just wasn't a football head like the rest of us. I think it's safe to say that adding Stove was the right choice, as Stove has been an integral member of the cheesers
Brandon (2018-2019): Kap's friend from Stony Brook. Apparently he's antisemitic? Safe to say I'm not losing any sleep over this either
Chaf (2018-2023): This was a sad loss. Chaf was... scratch that, CHAF IS an integral member of this league. The history books would not be complete without Big TYCKET himself. Chaf is currently coaching defense at FORDHAM (Go Slippery Rock!). For more information on Chaf, first you want to open the insomniac browser, then head to ticket master. then, fuck, what do we do next???